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If you’re serious, here are some suggestions for making an exit that focuses on self-care. Whatever story he has told you about why he’s with both of you, the cold hard truth is that he has chosen not to leave because having the best of both worlds is what he chooses. Blaming her for his infidelity and blaming you for why he hasn’t left ignores the bigger picture of the real issues. I know that I never saw myself as a sideline woman, no matter how low my self-esteem was. This is a good time to think about your short-, medium- and long-term goals, as well as your values. If you can afford it, go away for a few days or a week to somewhere nice or go and stay with friends and family. Stop being where he expects you to be and break whatever routine you have. There is someone in your life who can and will be empathetic and support you with your exit.

Think very hard about whether you want to continue living on the fringes and in the shadows of his life? Is this affair taking you towards your needs, expectations, and wishes or is this taking you in the opposite direction? Remember that occasions like birthdays, Christmas, New Years won’t have to be spent waiting for his call or snatching a moment together. Turn off your phone and let the important people know where you are so that you don’t worry. When I speak to women involved with attached men, whether they realise it or not, they are almost always in a tight routine. A confidante gives you a sanity check but also gives you a rock of support.

When you’re The Other Woman, it’s a rollercoaster of highs and lows and at some point, you should and probably will become sick of being in the situation and will want to break off the affair.

Breaking up is generally hard to do even when we really want to and know that it’s the right thing.

To love and respect yourself, you may need to make practical changes in your life.

Maybe that means losing a few pounds, going back to school, or spending more time with people you respect.

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If you’ve neglected friends or family, build bridges. You have to put the focus back to you if you are truly intent on succeeding.

It can feel like an exorcism that brings up every ugly thought and issue that you may have been unaware was rumbling around inside you.

Many BR readers have been or are in an affair situation and wonder, I hope that these fifteen tips can help to put any woman who is in this situation on the road to feeling happier, secure, and free to move on to healthier relationships.

Maybe it means getting up early to exercise or finding out about student loans.

To detach from an ex-boyfriend or ex-husband, you need to find a sense of self-identity.

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